He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
