in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
