He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
