Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm passing your future prison.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
