somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
