Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
