We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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