Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
