I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
