plz talk dirty to me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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