He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
