i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
