Jerry, you need to find god
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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