Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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