Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
