I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
