Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
