the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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