No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
