Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
