last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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