The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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