I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
