never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
