I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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