if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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