her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
