On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
