update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
