we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
