i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
