When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
