You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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