just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
