I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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