Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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