Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
