I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
