i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
