Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
