cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
