My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
