She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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