I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
