remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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