dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
