Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
