Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
