maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
