Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
