I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize