on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
