I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
