....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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