Ambien. No doubt about it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
