Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
