4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
