We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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