apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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