omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You can't motorboat a personality
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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