Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
