Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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