I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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