It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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