I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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