she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
