Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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