I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
