Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
