I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
