she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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