i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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