When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
