I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My dick has a subreddit
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
