i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
